So...

I've been slacking. I was sick with a fever and sinus problems. But my fingers were fine.
I really wanted to write something earlier this week. But today I took the chance. While I was playing SIMS, I heard this crazy scary sound, but there was nothing special happening at the time. Then I thought, what if that sound was the rapture? Now hear me out, I do not believe it was the rapture but if it were the rapture, and I was still here, then I think I would be a little happy because then I would still have a chance. I know I'm not ready for Jesus to come. Yesterday I was listening to Harold Camping (I do not really know if that is how you spell his name) and a caller was talking about how Christians would be raptured up before May 21, I think. Now May 21st is not a set time, but what if Jesus were to come on that date ? I mean it is exactly a month away. Would I be prepared in a month's time? I remember in the past, if I had fallen off track with God, all it would take is one sincere prayer to get back on. Now this prayer usually took an hour or more. I remember, in Korea, praying a prayer like this in the staff rest room. It was an hour. I remember a time before that. It was a Saturday morning. It took a while. I do not remember how long but it took a long time. Usually for that sincerity to come out of me, I have to wake up early or stay up late and/or feel a strong sense of sinfulness or mortality or probation closing. I usually have to get into the right frame of mind, or nothing comes of the prayer. 1 minute/second just won't cut it no matter how sincere I am. It's usually something that I cannot facilitate on my own because just today I felt a strong sense of probation closing and I did nothing. I just continued playing SIMS. Maybe that is the Holy Spirit speaking. If I ignore, is that my unwillingness or me just not being ready? Both perhaps. They say the more you keep ignoring, the stronger the Holy Spirit has to speak next time. Maybe.
Lord, you must forgive me, for I have sinned and I cannot make myself clean. Only you can. Help me.