My brother's girlfriend

I know he don't want to tell me nothing about her and their situation. To him, it's on a need to know basis. I just don't need to know. I guess since he won't tell me, I can assume. I assume that sexual relations are occurring between them. 5 years they've known each other and if they are not having sexual relations, kudos to them. They do better than me and I'm a freak, Trust. Saved by grace but a freak none the less and I cannot be with a guy I'm going out with alone in any place at any time. I remember one time, when I was downstairs in my house with my ex (one of the lower times in my life) my brother came downstairs as he was speaking on the phone and said, "Now they're all quiet. At least, I know they're not all perfect." Now I know what I was doing before he came down them stairs (heavy petting, making out, etc) and I know he made that comment in reference to me. Hey, I won't lie but he never spoke to me about it. He spoke to his friend about it on the phone and I do believe it was his girlfriend. At the time, I was embarrassed as hell but he did not care. Not even the ex cared and my brother's girlfriend probably looks at me and thinks, "She ain't ish." You know?
I would say he would be my favorite brother, but I cannot stand the fact that he has this separate life. And in a way, I cannot stand the fact that I do not want to be involved. Partly, he does not want to involve or does not go out of his way to involve me. On the other hand, my personality would not let me be involved in his situation. I feel so out of the circle. Biko brings chick over here and I'm dressed in house clothes (poom poom shorts and a t-shirt and I'm also swinging). No one could probably get why I was angry, but I know I will most likely never see her in the same state she has seen me. Another time I was sleeping on the couch, and I wake up to them laughing at me. Chick, I don't know you! But she has seen me in very vulnerable states physically and I have only seen her dressed to the nines and looking fly. To top it off, everyone else in my house is more used to her being here than I am because I have been away for a year. My mother thinks it's because she's taking my brother away. Wrong! My brother has already been gone from me. He only chooses to visit my far off home world to show pity to the little people. Which brings me to my next thought. I mentioned before that my brother is part of a different group than me. Socially, he doesn't have to try to be in the in crowd and I would never try just because the in crowd is against who I am. Don't ask me who I am, I just know the in crowd is not it. Do you think there's a little pity on his end for the less popular people such as myself? Is that why he chooses to grace me with his presence?
Things in my household will never be the same but do I ever want to go back to same?  I see it through different eyes now. My family was always dysfunctional, even on the sibling level and it's only getting worse as I grow older. Why in the world would I pass that joint down to the next generation? So they could point back to their parents and say that's where they get it from? Hell No.  In my house,we are all our own islands and we each live to better our own selves in different spheres of course. We're very American but not very familial. Where is the love? Not here. Run my future children. Run very far away and pray that I change for you. Don't come until I have changed. God help me.
Which brings me to my next thought. If I prayed, in Korea for my family situation everyday with consistency and persistence, would God have changed my family set up? I think it would be selfish of me to think that my prayers would have that kind of affect but the bible does say that the prayers of a righteous man avail much. But what about the raining on the just and the unjust part? Can we get some rain? So here it is. I'm praying for my family everyday for the next month. As you already can tell, I'm undisciplined and inconsistent and probably too jaded to think it will work. But I'm trying. Lord I believe help my unbelief. And please help me to tolerate my brother's girlfriend. In Jesus' name, I pray. AMEN.