Woe is me

My mother used to look at me and say I always had this "poor me one" look on my face. You know what that means, the "life is not fair""why is this happening to me""nobody knows the troubles I've seen" LOL. Just plain old self pitying. And while I must say that it's not exciting having this outlook on life, it is very interesting to me. The person who is completely introspective appears to be selfish, and truthfully they are but they truly realized how sucky they are and how true it is to have feelings of pity for one's self. They are also very close to mental illness.I always like those movies and artistic works that deal with the inner striving against oneself to actualize the truth of one's self to the world around . So I right that way. I try to get all my thinking on the paper so that everyone can at least grab on to one part of what is me and relate to it. And in conjunction with all the other parts, they can get some idea of what I truly know myself to be. Problem? yes. I wish I was that selfish person that I am, way down to my soul so that it would not hurt so much when I acted like one. So I would not try not to offend. I wish I pushed more for stuff I wanted instead of pushing more for what other people want because in the end it hurts when my dreams are not realized. Why can't everyone just read my blog? I know that I am the chick you whisper about, I am the lazy chick who lies and manipulates and wants everyone to believe that it's true. It is true. He is true. I am the lie. I wish I could move away and start life all over again. I wish I could live it all over again. I wish that I am not what I am. But I can not be what I am not. therefore I am. Woe is me! I can sense that the world knows the lie and the world feeds into it by pretending not to see it or passing it by. Just tell me about the booger hanging from my nose. Tell me I smell like BO. Tell me my breath stinks. Tell me. I'll never know if you don't tell me. Tell what you think of me. Am I flaky, lazy, ditzy? Tell me. Why can't you tell me what you see. so I can change or hide it? Slightly paranoid. I wish I wasn't going crazy. I wish I had my stuff together. I wish I had my head on straight. Woe is me!