I am that girl that has always had natural hair. I never had a perm. I press my hair on average once every two years and people have always guessed that I was younger than my actual age. For a person who has always had natural hair, my hair is not the length I think it should be. It usually grows to shoulderlength and maybe a little lower and then it stops. Now, I know that we all have different hair types. My hair grows in a different way than others but when I see people who have had natural hair for a shorter time than me having mass amounts of growth I get a little...jealous? Not exactly. I like my hair so I do not wish for other people's hair. I'm too attached to mine. Maybe I get frustrated. Now, I just watched a video from TrueStorydotLife and she was doing a length check. Now the reason I don't like doing length checks is because I have the "watched pot never boils" mentality. But the reason truestorydotlife doesn't usually do length checks on video because they usually make her compare herself with others. But this is what I do all the time with my hair even though I'm not measuring. I compare myself with others and ask myself why is my hair shorter than hers and what can I do to make it longer. But like truestory says, "My hair is not like Jane's..."

Now, I have practically grown up in the church. I have always claimed Christ. My big sins are usually laughable in the eyes of hardened gangsters and players who have come to God. I have always been admired by others for the christian things I do. But then I look at people who have just come into the faith and how zealous and on fire they are for God. And I'm always the same, always struggling. The same things that I have always struggled with since I was a child, I struggle with now. I feel like there is no growth. Like, I always fall short. For a while, I have been a little frustrated with that fact, thinking that maybe if I could just go out into the world for a little while and come back to God, I could have a great testimony and be super zealous for God. My friends usually say that I do not want to go out in the world because I may not come back to God and the world is a lot worst than I think. Funny thing is that I do not think I could go into the world if I wanted to. I do not enjoy drinking clubbing or partying or dancing. I actually have no appetite for those things. So I like Christian things but I do not like my state in the christian walk. Soon after I watched the length check video, I watched a video by David Assherick ( who reminds me of Conan O'Brien in this vid by the way) and he says the christian walk is a process as we move from glory to glory, our inward man is being renewed day by day. He mentions that it is better to be struggling than to be dead in our sins. I must admit I was dead for awhile, pretty hopeless in fact. I thought that if my heart still adored the sin, then I must still be in sin and maybe I have never been a real christian. So what's the point in denying myself if I'm not saved? But this is FALSE! The Christian walk takes time because it is a process. Struggling is a sign of life. "A Just man falls seven times..."

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