Forgiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XzneB2njv0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSXSZOzj4co&feature=related

I've always heard that it's harder to forgive then to say I'm sorry. I'm always the one to say I'm sorry so I think that puts me in a good position to forgive since I know how it feels to not be forgiven. Don't get me wrong. Forgiveness is important, but I usually feel that the person asking for forgiveness is struggling the most. In my opinion, revenge is not as strong as remorse. 

However, I've had a chance in the pass few weeks to review my feelings about forgiveness. I usually put things out of my mind and forget about them. That's my forgiveness. But as I think over a lot of these situations in which I've had to forgive, I realize that I still react in ways in which in can be inferred that I have not forgiven. Case in point, earlier this year, I met someone who hurt me and I was preparing myself to forgive. But I ended up apologizing, thinking that it would not be as offensive to him if I claim that I have done the wrong. Although, I think there is something biblical about claiming that you have done the wrong, I'm not to sure if it was right for this situation. Anyway, I've noticed that I still hurt and the feelings are not remorse or revenge. The feeling is regret. 

While I'm thinking that forgiveness is  about not getting back at the person or not getting revenge, I'm still hurting even though there is no thoughts of revenge. Regret is stronger than revenge. When the fires of revenge have died down, you're left with the ashes of regret and that is hard to put out of your mind forever.  

 I've heard that forgiveness is to hold yourself accountable for the wrong instead of the person who did the wrong. Like God punishes Jesus for the wrongs of Humanity. God is holding himself accountable for what we have done. He forgives completely. Now, if I pardon people people for what they've done to me, remove them from any guilt and accusations,  hold myself accountable and then God forgives me, then I should be completely free. 

Maybe, really deep down inside I haven't really forgiven. Maybe I've just promised to try not to get back at people. Maybe in my heart, while I'm brushing it off my shoulders mentally, I still react in rage and sadness because the hurt is still there.  Sad story. Now I must change my mind. Forgiveness is harder and more incomprehensible than apologizing. I refuse to compare them again as lightly as I have in the past. Regret is stronger than revenge and it leads to remorse.