The New Me

I want you all to know that I am now in California. Woohoo! (Background Music: Tupac's California...LOL) Well, LA...I'm in San Luis Obispo County (background Music: Country Road, Take me Home). And I will start a new blog all about my life here...soon. But before I continue...there are things that need to be said without any fascades or coverings...I am not confessing sins to you. You are not Jesus (For real!) But in order for you to know the greatness that is God, I will tell you what has happened. I suffer with issues. Most of them have to do with something sexual. I remember someone looking at me and saying, "You don't have those problems...you're a good girl." I laugh in my head when people make those assumptions. I was very young when I became sexually active. Technical Virgin I was but at the age of 6 how could you not be a technical virgin willingly.  Yeah that young. I try not to justify it by saying I was young but at some point I realized I was wrong and I continued anyway. I though I was going to grow up to be a prostitute or porn star because I just found myself falling to the same sin over and over again. Yes at the age of 8. I could not put it in those words then. But I would worry like crazy. My major open sin was lying. I lied to hide what I did sexually and other things which is the reason why I got baptized. It was a good little kid sin that I was sincerely sorrowful for but I went in the water with that guilt complex and I came back up with it. I hated that I still liked sex at the age of 10. I became self-depreciating. I mean, if you think you're going to go to hell at the age of 10, would you like yourself? Topped with teasing at school, my issues grew into a self esteem issue, which was another reason to hate myself and I still deal with those self hating issues now. So I stopped the sexual activity. But my heart wasn't changed becasue I depended on myself to change me. Which was easy because I just transferred my addiction to soap operas, fanfiction, masturbation and pornography; yes at the age of 13. I want you to know that there are times I have stopped the foolishness and I attribute it to God. But when it came back, I attributed it to myself just taking my focus off God. I refrained from mentioning this part of who I was on here because of three reasons.
1) I don't want you guys to be a confessional.
2) I feared that I would start doing all those things again.
3) I was ashamed of those things.

I am realizing now that telling you this would serve three purposes.
1) Give Glory to God
2) Keep me accountable
3) Give you my Testimony

I'm proud to say that I do not do those things anymore. I do not boast in myself. I boast in the Lord.I wish I could give you one point of conversion. It would be so much easier, but God is bringing me to a dependency on Him and it's at several points of gradual coming to the knowledge of Christ that mark my testimony of God's greatness. Right now, I'm glad I'm free and I cannot wait to access more of the abundant life God has for me!