the night of apologies

I took a medical missionary course. I felt that the night before it started I might as well clean house. Actually, I was feeling like being sinful so I texted this guy an apology for not contacting him. I sent this text at like 2 AM. Clearly my intentions were not godly. Smh. While waiting for dude's response, I decided to text my dad and apologize for not contacting him also. The plan was to save it. And I sent it, accidentally. Trust, the excitement I was feeling about receiving a response to the text that was ungodly in it's motivation, paled in comparison to the dread I felt as I realized I sent the text to my father. I checked my  sent and draft box over and over again, just to make sure that I did send it or that by some act of God, it got saved in my draft box. The ungodly text response didn't even occur. Poor dude did not even know how open I was. Serves me right trying to be ungodly. Mind you, the text I sent him was innocent at face value. Anyway, now I got to text my pops every now and then. It's a good thing I shocked my self into texting my pops. Either way, since I was in the mood of apologizing, I deciding to text people who I had wronged or had not seen in a while. One of those people were Xavia. You don't know her but let me tell you I honestly appreciate her presence in my life, and as weird as she seems sometimes to me, it makes me feel welcome because I see myself as being just as weird. And sometimes I compare myself to her, which is not so good and I need to stop. So I apologized for hurting her and not contacting her. Not knowing that I would see her the next day. smh. If I had known she would have signed up for the same medical missionary course, I would not have sent that text but the next day we spoke and I was glad. Things were clarified and although I am a little sad to know that she won't be around much, I'm glad we talked. God blocked my lustful thoughts with a text to my pops and He prepared me to meet someone who I hadn't spoken to in a while with a text. God is good. I find myself apologizing but there is someone I must forgive. I was talking to my friend tonight about my ex and I thought I forgave him, but I was still angry. I don't know how but God is still good and He will help me. Even if it means to give up my dislike of the idea of us getting back together. so hard but I must.